Tiny Revolutions №112: On setting oneself on fire
there's a better way ❤️🔥
In 2009, I lit my career on fire.
I was at the time a VP at a well known PR agency where I was managing a team and a pretty big book of business (about $75K/month, a wild amount of money to me at the time), but instead of feeling like a badass, I felt like a charlatan who would be exposed any minute. It was, in a word, not good.
This was long before concepts like “imposter syndrome” and “emotional intelligence” had entered the zeitgeist. All I knew was that despite having an enviable life by most standards — I was 33, in great shape physically, lived kind of a glam existence in L.A., made a good salary, had lots of friends, etc. etc. — I was miserable and didn’t know what to do about it.
And every day I did not do something about it, the weight pressing down on me got a little heavier. Until one day I woke up and found myself in a state of total dysfunction. I could barely breathe or speak, let alone lead meetings, advise clients, and manage people. My body had simply shut me down.
So I took a leave of absence from work to try to get my shit together. It was embarrassing! There were rumors. I was so good at putting on a happy face and pretending that everything was fine that most people I worked with were shocked. I was actually kind of shocked, myself — I had no idea how I would support myself without that job.
But what I did know was that if I kept going in the way I was going, I would not ever find my way into a life I was excited about. And that was what I was really after.
Brutal as it was, I did find a way. I ended up leaving that gig entirely and trying lots of other things personally and professionally to find what did make me come alive, and had many wild swings of fortune in the process. (Read basically any past issue of this newsletter for context.)
Fifteen years later I feel great about my life, imperfections and all. I like how I spend my days and nights, but more importantly, I like who I am. But you know what? I had to fucking bushwhack my way here!
Because most people I knew at that point thought I was crazy. Which was part of the problem — I had to find my way to other people who got it. Other people who got that even when you have what feels like everything you could possibly ask for, you can still want more. That it’s not wrong to admit that even though you might have a life a lot of people would kill for, it’s not the one for you. That it’s not wrong to pursue a life that feels like home, and that’s better suited to the person you are and want to become.
Perhaps not surprisingly, a big part of what I do now is help other people give themselves permission to want more for themselves, too.
I write this newsletter, of course, and if you’ve been following me here for a while, you know I never give up seeking out what feels right. In my work with
, the writers collective, I help people write their way into more expressive ways of being. In my work with , I help people use these ancient teachings to learn who (and what!) they are.And now I have a new avenue for teaching that I’m soooooo excited to introduce. I’ve been talking about the concept for the last year (you can read my first post about it here), but have finally had the time and space to put it all together.
It’s called The Fire Inside, and it’s a group coaching program to help women navigate change without resorting to setting their life on fire the way I did.
When I had to figure out what was next, I did it the hardest way possible: by jumping headlong into the abyss. I didn’t know what I wanted to do next, so I thought I had to blow it all up and start over. It did work in the long run, but it cost me a lot and there are other, less perilous ways to do it.
Here's what I've discovered about finding your path:
1. You don’t have to know exactly where you’re going to get there. A better approach is to try new things or experiment with doing the usual things in different ways and let how you feel about these experiences guide you.
2. You don’t have to hustle or improve yourself to move forward. In fact, you probably need to do a lot less! This is about moving away from stuff that shuts you down and toward stuff that lights you up and makes you FEEL GOOD.
3. It’s really hard to do it alone. You need others who get it to be with you on the path to keep you going and help you see yourself from different perspectives.
Honestly that’s kind of it. The hardest part is showing up, staying consistent, and keeping it light and fun.
Which is where The Fire Inside comes in. I love this program for many reasons, but mostly because I designed it to be FUN and expansive! We all have way too much to do as it is; there’s no need to pile on more shit we’ll feel guilty about skipping.
Instead this is an opportunity to explore doing things you look forward to. To go on an adventure and a quest to get to know yourself on a deeper level. And to give you an excuse to cut things or people out of your life that are not serving you. Because honestly, they gotta go.
When you do this work, over time, you feel clearer, more at ease, and more capable of making changes in your life that have been on your mind for years. You stop fighting yourself. You gain confidence that you can do hard things. You gain self-respect.
OK! So here’s how it goes:
The Fire Inside is an ongoing program that consists of four Zoom meetings per month:
🌑 One New Moon Session to generate new experiments for the coming month (and assess the previous month’s)
🌓 One Expansion Session for exploring new practices, often from guest speakers
🌕 One Full Moon Session to break through blocks, get unstuck, and adjust
🔥 One Private Session with me for individual coaching and support
It also includes a WhatsApp group chat for ongoing support and discussion — and the occasional inspirational/salty/fiery voice note from me.
If you’re intrigued, I’d love to connect. This is not like a lot of large, impersonal programs you come across online. I’m gathering a small, curated group of women who each bring unique wisdom to the experience. As I mentioned above, that chemistry matters.
I’ve already got a handful of women on board, but am looking for the others. Maybe that’s you??
If so, the next step is to schedule an introductory call with me to say hi and discuss whether this program would be a fit for you.
You can read more about The Fire Inside (and me) on my website. You can also email me with any questions or comment on this post.
And hey, if you’re still reading, 1) thank you! and 2) please share this post with anyone you think might be interested. The internet has a way of helping us find each other, but we all need a little assistance along the way.
Speaking of !
We’re collaborating with
to offer a Creative Titration cohort next month. Great for anyone who wants to both deepen your creative practice and connect more fully with your body. (Hint: those things go hand in hand!!) Read more here if you’re curious. Gonna be fun.Thanks for being here, as ever. This is my first time recording voiceover for an issue of Tiny Revolutions. So if you liked it, let me know! I’m slowly inching my way up to launching a podcast — another thing I’ve been talking about doing for years. :)
😘
Sara
p.s. Tiny Revolutions is free but not cheap, to borrow a phrase from the great
. If you’d like to support my work, please share this post with someone who’d appreciate it, or just like this post! I love hearts.
hurrah! this is fantastic. i def want to talk about it!
I blew up my life 10 years ago, but only later did I take the message to heart — from the writing of Steph Jagger — that you don't have to hit rock bottom to choose to change your downward trajectory. It's all learning.