This reminds me of Letters to A Young Poet!!! “Works of art are of an infinite solitude, and no means of approach is so useless as criticism. Only love can touch and hold them and be fair to them. Always trust yourself and your own feeling.” Hmmmmm this has me thinking thoughts 👩🔬💭⭐️
On the approval economy: coincidentally, I just came across an item in the NYT -- a sort of capsule profile of an erstwhile food writer, current professor of philosophy, named C. Thi Nguyen. With apologies if this triggers a reflexive "Ack! NYT view of the world!" wince, here's a gift link:
...which comports with my own long-held, deep-seated sensibilities about writing fiction, which might be summarized as: "It Makes No Sense But Is Worth Doing Anyway."
The assumption of so many people -- lovely people, *thinking* people -- is that if you're writing fiction, you're probably driven by a hope to be the next [enter phenomenally successful author's name here]. But that's not really true of me, nor is it true of other novelists and short-story writers I know. Sure, "success" -- APPROVAL, in the form of likes, subscriptions, restacks, etc. -- it gives me a little dopamine jolt. But what's really behind the urge to put it out there is the fun of whipping it all into an "out there" form: I write in English, so the sentences need to follow the sort of flippy-floppy rules of that language, and I post on Substack, which has certain conventions (title your piece; include some kind of image; etc.) to help draw readers to the ideas and their expression. But the most important thing for me is that *I'M* drawn to those ideas and their expression...
Well, I'm blathering. Just wanted you to know that this post of yours genuinely reached me. (There y'go: a little dopamine shot headed your way!)
Thanks, John. There’s a similar idea I subscribe to that I first came across in a comic strip, of all places. “Every thing is its own reward.” I think basically the reason I keep writing and publishing here after all these years is that, likes notwithstanding, I can’t not!
Great post, and well done articulating something that is very difficult to put your finger on. I have a suggestion for anyone struggling to escape from their approval bubble--all the people, places, and products that ensure you will be seen as politically correct and part of the right crowd. Just get in a car and drive about 50 miles in any direction. Find a small town. Talk to the people. Eat the food. Do the same thing for a week or a month. I've been doing it for 3.5 years now. ESCAPE!
Yes to all of this! Especially resonant: "I think getting older is about realizing a lot of the shit you signed up for is not your deal, and then working your way out of the knots that hold you to them."
For me, it's been hardest when the shit was an encompassing identity, or when the knots are people I used to call besties. It takes time to recognize that they aren't my deal anymore and that I am still a whole person without them (more so, in fact). It takes maturity to find where the lines need to be redrawn—reframe or burn it down completely? And it takes courage to act on that.
I've been off social media, except LinkedIn, for going on 3 years. I don't miss them a whit. And LinkedIn I keep basically to serve as my Rolodex; the scroll there is abysmal.
The only magazines I subscribe to are: the American Bonsai Society, The Drake (fly fishing), Ohio Valley History (which I get as a member of Louisville's Filson Historical Society), Blue Mountain Journal (of Eknath Easwaran's Blue Mountain Center of Mediation), and Baseball Digest.
All the other stuff I formerly subscribed to -- WSJ, Washington Post, Louisville Courier-Journal, and on and on -- I dunno....I simply got tired of it. Same with all the online stuff. Even newsletters...I've way way trimmed back my subscriptions, and within those I kept, what I read.
You're truly an inspiration, Russell. I think I have a long way to go here but am finally finding my way to the end of the road as far as overconsumption goes. And it's been quite a LONG ROAD.
Exactly. People want to say there is a gray area here, that black and white thinking about this stuff is “unhealthy” but what about when things become a “no” for us?
I got married in November in a small ceremony and I haven’t posted any of the photos because it feels gross? I want to “share” but the approval economy makes me feel like…who is this sacred moment really for if I put that there?
Well first of all, congrats! But yeah, I’m with you. It just doesn’t feel right anymore. I like having a record of things but not enough to push me through the strong ick factor.
"I think getting older is about realizing a lot of the shit you signed up for is not your deal, and then working your way out of the knots that hold you to them."
This reminds me of Letters to A Young Poet!!! “Works of art are of an infinite solitude, and no means of approach is so useless as criticism. Only love can touch and hold them and be fair to them. Always trust yourself and your own feeling.” Hmmmmm this has me thinking thoughts 👩🔬💭⭐️
Dang, there’s always a great Rilke quote, isn’t there?
Also the phrase approval matrix is nuts.
Haha, I agree! Starting to feel VERY dated.
Or futuristic…. Maybe the algorithm is just one big approval matrix #imafraid
That's a great image you chose to head this post.
On the approval economy: coincidentally, I just came across an item in the NYT -- a sort of capsule profile of an erstwhile food writer, current professor of philosophy, named C. Thi Nguyen. With apologies if this triggers a reflexive "Ack! NYT view of the world!" wince, here's a gift link:
https://www.nytimes.com/2026/01/13/books/review/why-keeping-score-isnt-fun-anymore.html?unlocked_article_code=1.FlA.BRQE.ehe4TrKkrj-x&smid=url-share
...which comports with my own long-held, deep-seated sensibilities about writing fiction, which might be summarized as: "It Makes No Sense But Is Worth Doing Anyway."
The assumption of so many people -- lovely people, *thinking* people -- is that if you're writing fiction, you're probably driven by a hope to be the next [enter phenomenally successful author's name here]. But that's not really true of me, nor is it true of other novelists and short-story writers I know. Sure, "success" -- APPROVAL, in the form of likes, subscriptions, restacks, etc. -- it gives me a little dopamine jolt. But what's really behind the urge to put it out there is the fun of whipping it all into an "out there" form: I write in English, so the sentences need to follow the sort of flippy-floppy rules of that language, and I post on Substack, which has certain conventions (title your piece; include some kind of image; etc.) to help draw readers to the ideas and their expression. But the most important thing for me is that *I'M* drawn to those ideas and their expression...
Well, I'm blathering. Just wanted you to know that this post of yours genuinely reached me. (There y'go: a little dopamine shot headed your way!)
Thanks, John. There’s a similar idea I subscribe to that I first came across in a comic strip, of all places. “Every thing is its own reward.” I think basically the reason I keep writing and publishing here after all these years is that, likes notwithstanding, I can’t not!
Great post, and well done articulating something that is very difficult to put your finger on. I have a suggestion for anyone struggling to escape from their approval bubble--all the people, places, and products that ensure you will be seen as politically correct and part of the right crowd. Just get in a car and drive about 50 miles in any direction. Find a small town. Talk to the people. Eat the food. Do the same thing for a week or a month. I've been doing it for 3.5 years now. ESCAPE!
It's true it's true! And I'm inspired.
Yes to all of this! Especially resonant: "I think getting older is about realizing a lot of the shit you signed up for is not your deal, and then working your way out of the knots that hold you to them."
For me, it's been hardest when the shit was an encompassing identity, or when the knots are people I used to call besties. It takes time to recognize that they aren't my deal anymore and that I am still a whole person without them (more so, in fact). It takes maturity to find where the lines need to be redrawn—reframe or burn it down completely? And it takes courage to act on that.
Thanks for your thoughts!
Well said, Monica! Yeah, it really is a whole process and a lot of work. But so necessary.
I've been off social media, except LinkedIn, for going on 3 years. I don't miss them a whit. And LinkedIn I keep basically to serve as my Rolodex; the scroll there is abysmal.
The only magazines I subscribe to are: the American Bonsai Society, The Drake (fly fishing), Ohio Valley History (which I get as a member of Louisville's Filson Historical Society), Blue Mountain Journal (of Eknath Easwaran's Blue Mountain Center of Mediation), and Baseball Digest.
All the other stuff I formerly subscribed to -- WSJ, Washington Post, Louisville Courier-Journal, and on and on -- I dunno....I simply got tired of it. Same with all the online stuff. Even newsletters...I've way way trimmed back my subscriptions, and within those I kept, what I read.
Fight on, Sara, fight on!
You're truly an inspiration, Russell. I think I have a long way to go here but am finally finding my way to the end of the road as far as overconsumption goes. And it's been quite a LONG ROAD.
“I’m just grossed out by it all” …
Exactly. People want to say there is a gray area here, that black and white thinking about this stuff is “unhealthy” but what about when things become a “no” for us?
I got married in November in a small ceremony and I haven’t posted any of the photos because it feels gross? I want to “share” but the approval economy makes me feel like…who is this sacred moment really for if I put that there?
Well first of all, congrats! But yeah, I’m with you. It just doesn’t feel right anymore. I like having a record of things but not enough to push me through the strong ick factor.
"I think getting older is about realizing a lot of the shit you signed up for is not your deal, and then working your way out of the knots that hold you to them."
^^THIS
love you def max approval ! more please more! definitely medicine for our time!
I also still subscribe and moved away 7 years ago!
May we set ourselves free this year!
Fellow NYMag subscriber here! (Left the city in 2020.)
Omg ha! Maybe we need a recovery group.