Saying vs doing. Often people say the exact opposite of what they'll do. When I worked in real estate, if someone said "We're definitely going to use you, Russell," they definitely were not going to use me.
Not moving to Asheville.... Procrastination is information
Totally. I've done it myself! Trying to make myself want a thing instead of actually wanting (and doing the thing.) It's a form of self-coercion we all do. Or at least I do.
This reminds me of how I used to dream of moving to SF to be more immersed in the startup scene. And yet, I did basically jack shit to get my ass down there. Nowadays, I’m thankful I never did. I can visit the city anytime I want and then look forward to coming back to Sonoma where it feels like home.
Back in the late 1980s, I was home for the Decembre break from college. One night my mother who was 61 at the time told me that she had decided to move to Asheville. She was retiring from school teaching and had decided to leave my step-father. Her plan was to go to Asheville then come back to my hometown to do the divorce thing. (It should be noted that my older brother had died in a car accident less than a year earlier.)
I advised her that she should get a house and get through the divorce first then go to Asheville. It didn't make sense to me to move back in with her husband after spending a few months away. That is what she did. At the time and do this day, I found it interesting that I was the one giving her advice about her plans when I was thinking about grad school, careers, and relationships. That was typical of my parents, though.
She died a couple of years ago at 92. The best years of her life came not at the house she bought but when we finally convinced her to move to a senior citizen apartment complex. She had more friends and more joy in her life during those years before a flood forced her to move to another senior residence in the middle of COVID.
I don't think she ever made that trip to Asheville, and I carry the guilt of talking her out of something that she wanted to do and then never did. So when I read how you made a similar decision and had not followed through on it, it was triggering.
I am not going to advocate for you to move to resolve my guilt. I am going to say what I think you would tell someone else. Look behind the inaction. Is it because your purpose is somewhere else or because of fear?
I checked the map, and Asheville is 3.5 hours from Atlanta. (Of course this depends on where in Atlanta and traffic, and today being Sunday there is not as much traffic.) I was just thinking recently about the problem with "burn the ships" decisions and how I prefer decisions that leave options open. To me it would seem that Asheville is an option to not be in Atlanta but also be close enough for family, doctor's appointments, and anything else that you would need. Close enough you could come back without enormous hurdles. It is not like Siddhartha running away from his father's kingdom to pursue another course of life. Moving to Asheville can be easily undone yet also opens up opportunities and pathways that you don't know yet.
There must have been something that spoke to you there. What harm can come from exploring that call? Worst case you learn something new about a place, a community, and yourself...even if you do not stay.
As I think about it, I should break into where my mother's ashes are interred and liberate them to Asheville. I am not going to do that as it would probably break some laws and annoy my living siblings who I already annoy through my very existence. Instead I will accept that what I can do is give you a gentle nudge. Honestly, if it was not for the synchronicity of it being Asheville, I would have stayed quiet.
Best comment! Thank you for making it and for sharing your story. I can imagine how and why it might be triggering, and I sincerely appreciate this shout into the universe to urge a wandering soul to dig deeper. I think there’s a lot to this story I didn’t tell, part of which involves a dad here who’s about to start chemo here and maybe, just maybe, a love interest that still needs to be explored. But overall, I agree. And will be visiting Asheville a few more times to keep the avenue of inquiry open. Maybe there’s a future where I move there and you take a teaspoon of your mother’s ashes to a final rest in the Blue Ridge mountains. We can dream, can’t we?
When we finally left Florida a couple years ago, post-retirement -- and post-roadtrip -- we could've moved to any of a bunch of places our fixed incomes could bear. Asheville's always been a geographic spirit animal for us, but we wanted to keep it that way. We found our surprise "fuck, yes" place over in the NC Research Triangle area, where we knew NO ONE but somehow, instantly and without hesitation, felt at home. We're now of an age where we're looking forward to staying put on the map -- while giving us plenty of space to keep moving and growing, inwardly -- and we think we've found home again.
Wishing that same kind of luck to you, Sara, whether you wind up in Atlanta for good or just for now!
Hey John, I love that! Discovering someplace new that just feels like home. And it being close to your geographic spirit animal! Sounds pretty great all around. Thank you for the good wishes! I sincerely doubt Atlanta is forever but yeah, who knows!
Saying vs doing. Often people say the exact opposite of what they'll do. When I worked in real estate, if someone said "We're definitely going to use you, Russell," they definitely were not going to use me.
Not moving to Asheville.... Procrastination is information
Totally. I've done it myself! Trying to make myself want a thing instead of actually wanting (and doing the thing.) It's a form of self-coercion we all do. Or at least I do.
And yes re: Asheville. Maybe next year? ;)
This reminds me of how I used to dream of moving to SF to be more immersed in the startup scene. And yet, I did basically jack shit to get my ass down there. Nowadays, I’m thankful I never did. I can visit the city anytime I want and then look forward to coming back to Sonoma where it feels like home.
Best of both worlds for sure!
the little prince ftw
The best!!
Loving this one! :)
Thanks, Jonas — come visit!!
I had *just* thought, at the beginning of the weekend, oh shit, I totally missed Sara while she was upstate. 🙂
(It will happen, when the time is right!)
Yep yep it will. :)
Back in the late 1980s, I was home for the Decembre break from college. One night my mother who was 61 at the time told me that she had decided to move to Asheville. She was retiring from school teaching and had decided to leave my step-father. Her plan was to go to Asheville then come back to my hometown to do the divorce thing. (It should be noted that my older brother had died in a car accident less than a year earlier.)
I advised her that she should get a house and get through the divorce first then go to Asheville. It didn't make sense to me to move back in with her husband after spending a few months away. That is what she did. At the time and do this day, I found it interesting that I was the one giving her advice about her plans when I was thinking about grad school, careers, and relationships. That was typical of my parents, though.
She died a couple of years ago at 92. The best years of her life came not at the house she bought but when we finally convinced her to move to a senior citizen apartment complex. She had more friends and more joy in her life during those years before a flood forced her to move to another senior residence in the middle of COVID.
I don't think she ever made that trip to Asheville, and I carry the guilt of talking her out of something that she wanted to do and then never did. So when I read how you made a similar decision and had not followed through on it, it was triggering.
I am not going to advocate for you to move to resolve my guilt. I am going to say what I think you would tell someone else. Look behind the inaction. Is it because your purpose is somewhere else or because of fear?
I checked the map, and Asheville is 3.5 hours from Atlanta. (Of course this depends on where in Atlanta and traffic, and today being Sunday there is not as much traffic.) I was just thinking recently about the problem with "burn the ships" decisions and how I prefer decisions that leave options open. To me it would seem that Asheville is an option to not be in Atlanta but also be close enough for family, doctor's appointments, and anything else that you would need. Close enough you could come back without enormous hurdles. It is not like Siddhartha running away from his father's kingdom to pursue another course of life. Moving to Asheville can be easily undone yet also opens up opportunities and pathways that you don't know yet.
There must have been something that spoke to you there. What harm can come from exploring that call? Worst case you learn something new about a place, a community, and yourself...even if you do not stay.
As I think about it, I should break into where my mother's ashes are interred and liberate them to Asheville. I am not going to do that as it would probably break some laws and annoy my living siblings who I already annoy through my very existence. Instead I will accept that what I can do is give you a gentle nudge. Honestly, if it was not for the synchronicity of it being Asheville, I would have stayed quiet.
Best comment! Thank you for making it and for sharing your story. I can imagine how and why it might be triggering, and I sincerely appreciate this shout into the universe to urge a wandering soul to dig deeper. I think there’s a lot to this story I didn’t tell, part of which involves a dad here who’s about to start chemo here and maybe, just maybe, a love interest that still needs to be explored. But overall, I agree. And will be visiting Asheville a few more times to keep the avenue of inquiry open. Maybe there’s a future where I move there and you take a teaspoon of your mother’s ashes to a final rest in the Blue Ridge mountains. We can dream, can’t we?
Next time you come to Asheville, tell me! It’s only 2 hours from me, would love to meet up!
I went to some events at Switchyards when I lived there. It’s a cool place.
Will do!!
When we finally left Florida a couple years ago, post-retirement -- and post-roadtrip -- we could've moved to any of a bunch of places our fixed incomes could bear. Asheville's always been a geographic spirit animal for us, but we wanted to keep it that way. We found our surprise "fuck, yes" place over in the NC Research Triangle area, where we knew NO ONE but somehow, instantly and without hesitation, felt at home. We're now of an age where we're looking forward to staying put on the map -- while giving us plenty of space to keep moving and growing, inwardly -- and we think we've found home again.
Wishing that same kind of luck to you, Sara, whether you wind up in Atlanta for good or just for now!
Hey John, I love that! Discovering someplace new that just feels like home. And it being close to your geographic spirit animal! Sounds pretty great all around. Thank you for the good wishes! I sincerely doubt Atlanta is forever but yeah, who knows!