I’m Sara Campbell, a writer, lay Zen teacher, and guide who helps people navigate change, endings, and reinvention, among other things. This newsletter explores the art of becoming unkillable; not invincible, but resilient. Informed by my practice of Zen Buddhism, it’s about poking holes in the stories that hold you back and discovering that what the world needs is exactly who you already are.
When I was doing my Zen training this spring, I became addicted to Big Gulps. This was not intentional! One hot, dusty afternoon my dog and I rocked up to 7-Eleven for 32 delicious ounces of diet fountain soda and crushed ice, and discovered that if you signed up for their loyalty program, you could get a Big Gulp for one dollar instead of two. One dollar!! Obviously I signed up. The local 7-Eleven is just a half mile from my house, the perfect distance for a quick jaunt there and back, and before I knew it I found myself getting Big Gulps a few times a week.
Big Gulps of Diet Coke (OK, I also splashed in some regular Coke, too) don’t sound very quote unquote Zen, do they? I told my teacher about it and he was understandably horrified. Possibly questioning his decision to take me on as a student. There’s the grossness of Diet Coke and artificial sweeteners, yes, but then there’s also the wastefulness of the plastic, not to mention the poor optics of becoming a spiritual teacher with such openly trashy habits.
It made sense to me, though. Our daily schedule was intense — a lot of meditation, obviously, but also ceremonies, chanting, work practice, running the center, hosting sits, community outreach, preparing talks, volunteering with other Zen sanghas, and lots of other little things besides. Of course I wanted a zingy caffeine pick-me-up here and there. It was only a dollar! I recycled the cup! I sometimes didn’t even drink the whole thing; it was more like what it symbolized, which was a shocking bit of tacky freedom in a life of high discipline. You can think poorly of me for this, and I don’t blame you if you do, to be honest. I just think of it as indicative of where I was at the time.
Which was — and frankly, still is — a person caught between worlds. Driven by a higher purpose but also desirous of small treats and consolations. There was a time when my bio on Twitter was “half hedonist / half monastic” and that still feels true. My waters run both unfathomably deep and shallow as hell. And you know what? I don’t fight that. It’s too exhausting to pretend otherwise. If there’s anything I’ve taken away from Zen practice, it’s that there is nothing more important than accepting ourselves exactly the way we are. And for better or for worse, I am a person who’s discovered a deep and abiding love for long periods of sitting whilst staring at a wall in the company of friends. I am also a person who wants shortcuts and fantasy and indulgence and kicks of all kinds. A thrill seeker, a wanderer, a wastrel. Can this be OK? I believe it can.
I guess this is my way of giving you an update. I finished my training last month, and spent most of July traveling, visiting family, and regrouping before returning to LA this week to root down here at
for the fall and beyond. After having spent much of the past two years in flux, I’m excited to park myself in one place and see what unfolds. If you’re local, come meditate with us in Echo Park! The door is always open, and we have a great, irreverent-but-sincere community of meditators.Chief on my mind, beyond becoming the bestest lay Zen teacher I can be, include: reconnecting with local friends and collaborators via coffee/hikes/walks, starting a regular mahjong group, hosting an ongoing coffee hang with local LA folks for shit-shooting, mischief-making, and maybe some lite 7-Eleven adulation.
Does any of this sound interesting? Please shoot me a note (just reply to this message) or let me know in the comments.
BTW, I am no longer addicted to Big Gulps. I didn’t ever really think of it as being a problem, and I kinda lost interest. I still get them every now and then, but it’s just not a thing.
Otherwise, here is what I am obsessing over right now:
📻 NTS - A 24/7 radio station (is that what this is called??) out of the UK with excellent playlists and live broadcasts. I don’t have as much time or appetite for my own curation these days and the algorithmic stuff from Spotify never gets me out of my own boxes, so I’ve found this site indispensable for expanding my musical horizons. Plus, I’m in love with their tagline: “Don’t assume.” Brilliant.
🥒 Greek Salads - On our last Zen retreat, Dave made a basic Greek salad that I ate leftovers of for a week. Simple ingredients — cucumbers, feta, tomatoes, red onions, olives, olive oil, lemon juice — perfectly executed. Throw in a couple of soft boiled eggs and a crusty piece of bread and you’ve got an A+ summer meal.
🛏️ Lying in bed and feeling my feelings - I mean this in an emotional way, yes, but I also mean feeling my way around the sensations in my body via a self-guided body scan. I usually do this at night when I am tired and can feel echoes of what happened that day recording themselves in my tissues. Does this sound weird? It really is. I recommend it.
📚 The books of David Mitchell - I read and loved Black Swan Green and Cloud Atlas years ago, and more recently I picked up a copy of The Bone Clocks and devoured it, which led me to pick up a copy The Thousand Autumns of Jacob de Zoet, which I am currently still devouring. I love how his books are completely transporting without it feeling forced; somehow you’re just there with an eccentric group of friends in an exotic setting. As an author, he makes taking you to a new world seem easy. It is not.
🎨 This recent cartoon by Dave Cuomo. So good!
That’s all for me this time. I hope whatever you are getting up to this summer, you are letting yourself want what you want and finding pleasure in the everyday.
Thanks for reading, as ever.
😘
Sara
p.s. Tell me your summer indulgence(s) in the comments, or forward this to a friend who needs permission to want what they want.
Summer indulgence -- RC Cola, RC Cherry Cola, and Lipton Brisk Iced Tea in the can, baby -- only in that frosty can!
i have been thinking about you so much as i sweat out this hot summer in new york city. this newsletter had everything i needed. made me lighten up which is also not easy to do. thanks.