The photo, I'm a Highland Park resident. It's oh-so familiar. I moved here from Hollywood in 2014, and for a couple of months I had anxiety about getting onto the 110 from Ave 52. All better now.
You had me at Didion and sealed the deal with Patt Morrison. I've attended some KPCC voting events where Patt spoke. Such a fan.
And the feelings you feel, yes. The next time I get on the 110 I'm going to blast some music and scream my head off. If I don't have a toddler in tow. Ha!
This was my first read of yours. Looking forward to exploring more.
For me, it's not exactly chaos. It's that I crave ecstatic experience, which in other times and cultures had a place in community and religious life. In our Puritanical country, not so much. So, this very human urge to slip the bounds of self and get ecstatic has its only outlet in substances and reckless behavior. I did that for a long time. Now it just makes me stressed and my body can't bounce back the way it used to, so it's just not worth it. But I still crave it.
Yes, great point! Maybe the chaos is just the longing for the ecstatic, which is something we have not yet figured out how to do in our culture without serious repercussions. Totally agree it's not worth it anymore. But damn, the desire dies hard!
I used to fly out to LA on the regular in the ’90s, before TSA took over … into Ontario and created chaos with the locals managing locals… loved the beach sand that hit into everything and the 5 to San Diego … I need to go back soon, just to be…
Have to admit, I'm envious of your occasional desire for a little "chaos before dinnertime." I can't handle chaos at all and try hard to avoid it. It can make for a very narrow life at times. Cherish you experience. If I'd courted a little more chaos throughout my life, I think I would handle it better when it comes up now, which I think is your point.
The photo, I'm a Highland Park resident. It's oh-so familiar. I moved here from Hollywood in 2014, and for a couple of months I had anxiety about getting onto the 110 from Ave 52. All better now.
You had me at Didion and sealed the deal with Patt Morrison. I've attended some KPCC voting events where Patt spoke. Such a fan.
And the feelings you feel, yes. The next time I get on the 110 I'm going to blast some music and scream my head off. If I don't have a toddler in tow. Ha!
This was my first read of yours. Looking forward to exploring more.
Have a great weekend.
Hey Jo! Thanks for being here and hope to see you on the 110! Xo
So much to relate to here, Sara. Thank you. But this:
"Cravings hit and I start thinking about ways to escape — myself, my life, my existence."
And the lines that follow? Oof. Well done.
Here's an October poem I love:
OCTOBER
by John Haines
from Winter News
In the quiet house
a lamp is burning
where the book of autumn
lies open on a table.
There is tea with milk
in heavy mugs,
brown raisin cake, and thoughts
that stir the heart
with the promises of death.
We sit without words,
gazing past the limit
of fire into the towering
darkness....
There are silences so deep
you can hear
the journeys of the soul,
enormous footsteps
downward in a freezing earth.
Gah! That is so beautiful. Thank you, Chris.
For me, it's not exactly chaos. It's that I crave ecstatic experience, which in other times and cultures had a place in community and religious life. In our Puritanical country, not so much. So, this very human urge to slip the bounds of self and get ecstatic has its only outlet in substances and reckless behavior. I did that for a long time. Now it just makes me stressed and my body can't bounce back the way it used to, so it's just not worth it. But I still crave it.
Yes, great point! Maybe the chaos is just the longing for the ecstatic, which is something we have not yet figured out how to do in our culture without serious repercussions. Totally agree it's not worth it anymore. But damn, the desire dies hard!
I used to fly out to LA on the regular in the ’90s, before TSA took over … into Ontario and created chaos with the locals managing locals… loved the beach sand that hit into everything and the 5 to San Diego … I need to go back soon, just to be…
Sounds good to me! Though I think you'll find it's changed quite a bit!
This was one of your good ones, Sara. Man, “a little chaos before dinnertime” resonated hard.
Sounds like a good appetizer, doesn't it? ;) Thanks, Lyle!
so much to think about. a big bite of thought after thought to return to many times this week. hate the 110 btw! hate it!
'Tis a divisive freeway to be sure! Thanks, Steph! xo
Funny - I worked in Pasadena long ago. Flying into LAX Monday mornings, hoping for a cool rental car, then driving the curvy 110 to Pasadena :-)
Not a bad gig!
Have to admit, I'm envious of your occasional desire for a little "chaos before dinnertime." I can't handle chaos at all and try hard to avoid it. It can make for a very narrow life at times. Cherish you experience. If I'd courted a little more chaos throughout my life, I think I would handle it better when it comes up now, which I think is your point.
Thank you, Susan. <3